Stacy Parker aka Mercae Killar (mercae_killar) wrote in wwsupport,
Stacy Parker aka Mercae Killar

too poor to be on WW

Well I have been trying hard for the past couple months to keep up with staying on track. For the first 3 weeks I did great. Didnt have a scale, so not sure how much I actuly lost, but I stayed in my point range, and was really feeling good about myself.
Then our foodstamps ran out halfway through the month because we wernt used to useing half what we usualy get. We still dont know why they cut us back, but its not like we had more income comming in. Anyway. I suddenly had to live on ramen and mac and cheese. While I know i could still just eat my point allotment on these foods, one little cup of soup is like 16 points. and it doesnt stay with you.
I keep saying, once we have the money i'll get back to counting points.
and something keeps happening to eat up our money.
I feel like I just dont deserve to be smaller than the 400 pound mammoth I already am.
I'm poor, and I am fat, just what the stereotypes say I should be.
I would so love to go to meetings.
Heck I would so love to join curves again, I loved it there, but just didnt have the cash.
ANother big thing is exercise. I could go walking, but the neighborhood aint the best. We have drug dealers on the steps of the church that sits across from my house.
I have "walk away the pounds" but just havent gotten the motivation to use it.
I had an exercise bike, but it hurts my knees too much.
My moms boyfriend was going to sell me an recumberant bike for $200, but I just don't have that kind of money. I looked on ebay, but all of them want pick up only, and they arent in a reasonable area.
I'm also guilty of useing food to make me feel better.
When i get panic attacks I like sugar and chocolate. usualy the sugar comes in the form of mountian dew.
I just feel so lost, when just a couple months ago, I could see myself actuly becomming a person.
I had finaly weighed myself, and I was 390, not 400. I was not past that threshhold, and it made me happy.
Another thing that hurt, I worked hard on my first goal, just to stay on the plan for a month. my reward was to get a special comic I was wanting. I never was able to get my reward.
whats the use of setting us rewards if i know i'll never get them, even if i earn them.
my mates (I am in a poly relationship) just dont support me. my husband buys regular soda constantly, and eats my ww meals. ANd they both love eating out at buffets.
I did make a comprimise at the chinese place, just a bowl of eggdrop soup, and some sushi. I figured it wasnt all that bad.
Well anyway. sorry for being so long winded. Iv'e just been holding this in.
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